The theme of loneliness in the second chair has struck me several times in the last couple of weeks. It was a theme that we sort of stumbled into as we were interviewing different leaders for the book, and I continue to hear it in other conversations.
No doubt about it, the second chair can be a very lonely place to serve. It’s often hard to share frustrations, fears, or even dreams with your first chair, and it may not be appropriate to talk freely with those you supervise or with lay leaders (if you’re on the church staff). So who can you talk to?
I’ve been blessed to share the second chair with someone who is a good friend and a trusted advisor (Roger), but I know that my situation is more the exception than the rule. If you’re not this fortunate, where should you turn? In addition to Roger, I’ve found rich community with many others outside my church. Some are second chair leaders and some are just close friends, but the time with them is a great antidote to loneliness. Is your second chair a lonely place? What are you doing to overcome it?
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Welcome to the Second Chair Community! Won't you join us in the conversation of what "Leading from the Second Chair" looks like, from your perspective?
2 comments:
What a great topic to talk about! I was just meditating on this the other day, as loneliness comes to me on a weekly basis, and I've got to fight it back with the Word of God.
One of the ways that I feel isolated, and tell me if you feel the same thing, is that it seems as if EVERYONE is dependant on me to live their lives. Saturday we celebrated our church's ten year anniversary, and I received SMS messages asking me what time it started, what the dress was, etc...FROM STAFF! Who sit in the same meetings I do, hear the same things I do, and can check on a website just as easy as I can! Then, I got a call from the guy doing our video presentation and he was asking me how to transfer something to a DVD IN A PROGRAM I'VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE! So I spent 3 hours on the phone talking him through a program I've never used...phone numbers, how to do an email...it seems no one can do anything without me!
And it isn't like I'm bragging about that; I wish it wasn't the case. But I find that I ask for little from people yet get asked all the time, and I was trying to figure out how I was going to be filled up, who I was going to turn to. It's like the starving baker, who makes so much for other people but never feeds himself and then starves.
This book, this blog, and this community of people in the same situation have been a tremendous help. My relationship and dependence on God becomes more vital each day, even though I didn't know that was possible. I'm also forcing myself to read as much as possible, letting those wiser than me pour into me through their words, helping me to sharpen my saw. Thank God that he provides away in all things and doesn’t want us to be lonely or far away from him. I pray that we each find a way, through spouses or other friends, to break through loneliness and live with joy and contentment.
I also think it’s important that was talk with our first chair about understanding the right way to bring things to his or her attention before a situation arises so that when one does, you can follow the established process and point back to your formation of it if a disagreement or rebuke comes out of the appeal. If you’ve never talked about how to bring up an issue when there isn’t one, you don’t want to learn how to fight a war with bullets whizzing by. Finding the proper way to appeal to your first chair in a time of peace will do wonders when the time comes.
You all rock. Have a great day!
Praise the Lord for His unfailing Love. His mercy endures forever. I am fired up to read the dialogue on the blog because it hits to the "why" of both the book and the blog. Thanks for engaging with each other and sharing with one another. This is that "Second Chair Community" that we were looking for.
May God pour out his grace in each our your lives and may he increase our dependence on him.
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